What came up was living in the mountains and by the ocean. Creating my own schedule, volunteering at an animal shelter, going on adventures. She told me that I can have that, that I can live a life that is different. That was the permission I needed.

Beginning of 2017 - I joined her life coaching certification, unsure of where it would lead me.

By 2018 - I packed up my car, drove across my country (Canada) move out to BC. It was a 3 month trip filled with amazing stories, adventure and freedom. At the end of the trip - I had a choice to make. Where to live? The options were: Tofino, Whistler & Revelstoke. The result - Whistler.

Part 2 - Spiritual Awakening

This is where my spiritual journey truly began. I began working on my life coaching business while simultaneously picking up full time work in town. At one of the co-working spaces I met another life coach who guided me to her business and course offerings that her & her business partner had at that time. There was an email from them one morning that talked about Manifestation. I had no idea what that was - my knowledge in terms of making your dreams a reality was very masculine based on creating your vision, listing your goals, creating the steps towards said goals and accomplishing them. That was what I knew, it was always what I had done. Once one goal is finished onto the next. It was always chasing the thing outside of me to fulfill me. I thought at the time, that is what life was.

Manifestation - it caught my attention, the energy of it felt like magic. I enrolled in the course and it was very much put something out in the universe and trust in the process of it coming to you. The list that I created was 6 figure business and meet the man of my dreams! The universe had another plan.

One summer evening, I went to Vancouver for the day and I felt the pull to get a tarot reading (my first ever!!). I walked into the shop and she was with a client but would see me in 10 min. The first thing she told me when I sat down was how I give a lot to others and because of that I had been taking advantage a lot which brought me to tears. Then proceeded to tell me that all my chakras were blocked. I wasn’t spiritual at this point - wtf are chakras? Very confused but there was something here that was landing. After that, there was an event free sunset yoga on the beach with Janet Stone. It was honestly a beautiful yoga practice and Janet called us closer to the stage and we started chanting YAM. I felt my throat closing in, tears coming down - I had no idea what was happening but kept pushing through the chanting while crying. I drove the 2 hours home bawling and not even sure why. Once I came home - I researched about chakras and turns out the heart charka sound is YAM. It blew my mind but also had no idea what the hell was happening to me.

There was at a time a spiritual store in Whistler, I walked in and asked one of the girl’s who was working some guidance. I explained everything that has happened up until now. She gave me two things - one a book on chakras and two a list of all the tarot readers at the store and to reach out to someone a little closer. I scheduled an appointment with Annie and she had such a loving energy and I truly did enjoy our session. She gave me a few things that I can do to navigate this journey of where I was at. By early 2020, I was working with Annie full time on my healing and spiritual development. This is where I learned to tune into my intuition (which also felt like a super power to me at the time) and read tarot cards. I bought my first crystals, tarot decks, oracle decks, pendulum - you name it! I began learning about Astrology and Moon Cycles, it was all new and magical.

Then Human Design found me - that one flipped me upside down a little. I am a 2/4 self projected projector. There were a few things that hit home when I began learning about Human Design - one the idea of projectors are only meant to work 4 hours a day when my whole life I have been working anywhere from 40-60 hours per week! That de-conditioning took 6 years FYI. And self projected - I am meant to talk out loud, I knew that bit landed but felt weird initially talking out loud to myself. Primarily because when I was a kid, I used to talk to myself in the bathroom and didn’t realize that others might have heard. One day, I came out of the bathroom and my family was like who were you talking to? I didn’t know what to answer, because answer was actually nobody aka ME - but what I did say was Jesus because logically that was the only thing that I thought maybe they would understand and not question it anymore. They laughed, and I was caught off guard and shut that part of me out for a long time until this moment. I began slowly to talk to myself, I would use voice notes as it would LESS weird. Now I do both - sometimes voice notes when I want to be intentional of what I am self projecting and other times when I just need to talk it out, I just speak and see what comes out.

Funny enough - I learned about Human Design beginning of March 2020 and you know what happened mid month - the whole world shut down. Here is the cool thing about it, I got to experiment and play with my energy as a Projector during that time. Realizing how differently I was navigating everything, how at home I felt - I created the intention of this is what I desire to work towards. Once things opened up again, I took a few less hours at work and more space for myself.

I took a little trip to Tofino in June 2020 and the last day when I was leaving I found myself crying. I knew there was something for me here. A month later, I decided I was going to move to Tofino. This time, it was going to be different - I set the intention of saving money and going all in my business and living life with my Projector energy. I jumped - and what I thought would be the result wasn’t the result.

Part 3 - Diving in the depths of healing

I packed up my car which was full to the T compare to when I left Montreal 2 years prior. I couldn’t even believe how many things I have accumulated. I made my way to Tofino with only a few nights booked at a bed & breakfast. When I got there, immediately I began putting the word out there for a place to live. That is one thing I have learned in towns such as Whistler & Tofino - finding a place to live is priority #1. The owner of the B&B connected me with owners of a restaurant that had a trailer that would normally sit empty in the winter. I have never lived in a trailer before, I checked it out - plumbing and electricity were connected and I had wi-fi. We were good to go. During that time, I spent a lot of it in hermit mode, walking the beaches, surfing the cold winter months and watching the winter storms come in.

There was a very big healing piece that I did during my time in Tofino but specifically when I lived in the trailer. Since my focus was to grow my business, I did not pick up another job and I had a lot of time on my hands. Between posting on social media, running a few different programs at the time and finalizing the pieces of my book - I was doing a lot of inner child healing and shadow work.

[A little context - I have a hearing loss on both ears, its a mild/moderate loss where I do need hearing aids but can also live without wearing them - meaning I am not completely deaf. I lost my hearing when I was 5 years old and did not wear my hearing aids consistently (I wore them only in some jobs, around low spoken people and in university) until covid hit because between social distancing, masks and plexiglass - I couldn’t hear shit.]

During that time, I was guided to sit in the shadows. That is when I did create the shadow work program because I was doing it live while I dove into shadow work. The focus at the time was a lot of meditation - guided ones specifically, journaling - exploring what shadow work is and learning about it, breathwork - first time experiencing it and had a few sessions, I was sleeping to the ho’oponopono meditation every night. A lot of memories were coming up around the age of 5-6 that brought me to tears.

One of which I remember so clearly, it was my birthday in Grade 1 and I had invited my whole class to come to my birthday party at a jungle gym (Coconuts!) and my whole family showed up but nobody in my class was coming. I kept remembering looking at the door waiting to see if anybody will show up and nobody did. I remember feeling very sad and told myself at that time that I wasn’t worthy of friends. I did struggle with friendships for years after that. That was when I put my very first wall up around my heart to protect myself from the world. When this memory came up, the flood of emotions did as well and I allowed them to all surface during that time as they needed to be felt and healed.

The more of these memories came around at that age - it was like a onion layer - I was peeling off the layers slowly slowly.

There was one night while I was listening to ho’oponopono meditation that this big breakthrough came in - I hated wearing my hearing aids, I wanted to be like everybody else - I didn’t want to be different, I didn’t want to have a hearing loss. I didn’t tell people, I made friends with people who were loud spoken, I work at jobs where I didn’t necessarily “needed” them i.e. bars & restaurants where everybody yells. And I came through the realization that by not accepting this part of me, meant that I was hiding a huge part of who I am to myself and to the world. How can let people in if I don’t even accept myself/how can I let someone love me when I don’t love ALL of me. I just saw all the dots connected and saw my life like a film reel speeding through from all the moments/relationships/friendships/jobs that this affected. I broke down - the sobbing, crying, hyperventilating - all of it.

Then eventually it stopped and I fell asleep. I realized how important uncover that was and began to love myself. I began accepting and talking to little Julie - telling her everything is okay and that we are safe. The more I did that, the more I spoke to her, the more I meditated, the more I played in the ocean splashing around - the closer we got, then my heart began to open. The walls began to fall a little bit at a time. I started wearing my hearing aids a little more consistently, I shared with people about my hearing loss - I didn’t hide anymore.

TBC